Growing up, I never really thought about what it would be like to be pregnant. The few times throughout my life when I did, I imagined it would be like a little alien moving around in my stomach and the one word that would always come to my mind was “WEIRD.” I found myself completely surprised and reassured when I became pregnant and actually started finding comfort in those tiny little kicks and jabs that Dougie sends me throughout the day (and especially throughout the night). It’s incredible how our bodies adapt to pregnancy and the changes in hormones not only physically change our bodies, but change our mental outlook as well. For me, I felt like I started bonding with baby Dougie the minute I had an inkling that I was pregnant. Now that I am almost through my second trimester I start to think about how I will miss having him close after he is born (although I have heard by the time I’m ready to give birth, I’ll be happy to have him out into the world and not taking up real estate in my stomach).

I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if this current situation living in a pandemic and not being able to socialize with friends and family in a normal fashion has influenced our bond? I definitely have more time to spend reflecting and connecting these days, which is a big plus.

I also (as my website reflects) spend a good amount of time meditating, and I think that has helped to strengthen our bond as well. Every day I sit and visualize that baby Dougie is swimming in a dark pool full of shimmering stars and I imagine every evening that I am lighting all of the stars up around him, helping him grow, develop and learn in preparation for his big debut in 2021.

Having said all of this, here are my simple ways to connect with your baby and create bonds before birth!

1. Meditation - Of course this comes in as my number one recommendation for connecting during pregnancy, because it is a great way for us to advocate for our own mental health. By making space to sit quietly and allow our bodies and minds to relax, we are getting the added benefit of creating a peaceful space for our little ones to grow and develop. One of the first things my OBGYN told me was that Dougie would be able to sense if I was relaxed or stressed (namely by which hormones were triggered in my body, which currently doubles as his home). This made me take my stress levels seriously for once, and my meditation practice has been a big part of that process.

2. Ritual - creating a ritual for connecting has been a huge part of pregnancy for me. This is your opportunity to get creative AND a great reminder to take a few moments every day to devote mindful attention to that new little family member that is developing. As I mentioned earlier, I light the stars in little Dougie’s “star pool” every evening and visualize him floating in the pool and growing while the stars twinkle all around him.

3. Belly Rubs - physically connecting with your little one is so important. I visualize that every time I rub my belly, I’m helping to fluff up Dougie’s little home and make him (and myself) more comfortable. I especially love to set aside 30 seconds in the shower to put a little sweet smelling oil on my stomach, my favorite is L’Occitane’s Almond Shower Oil because it is gentle, nourishing and great for sensitive skin.

4. Say their Name - names give meaning and strengthen a sense of relationship. Strengthening the parent-child relationship en utero is a great way to connect from very early on in pregnancy. This doesn’t mean you need to know your baby’s birth name from the moment of conception, having a nick name for baby is great as well. I remember reading the intro to “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer” by Tracy Hogg where she talks about the importance of talking to our infants as people and referring to them by their name. I really connected with this and immediately started putting the technique into practice during pregnancy.

If you are a mama or an expectant mama, have you tried any of these techniques? How did they work for you? I’d love to hear about your bonding experiences in utero and how they influenced your relationship with your newborn. Leave me a note in the comments to let me know!